To My Ex, Life was really hard after we ended. My whole life felt like it was shattering. You were my longest love, the person who I thought I would marry. I thought I would spend forever with you. Unfortunately, “forever” turned into about two years. Two years of my life that I dedicated to loving you more than I loved myself.
I spent those two years losing myself for a guy who didn’t do the same for me.
RELATED: Why Letting Me Go Was Completely Your Loss And Ultimately My Gain I could have spent that time figuring out who I am since you were doing that for yourself. Instead, I spent that time blaming myself for our fights because I believed that I wasn’t good enough for you. I thought that there was something wrong with me for wanting to go out and have a life outside of dinner at home and foreplay in your bedroom. Worst of all, though, I blamed myself for your unhappiness and our failing relationship. When I was with you, I thought I didn’t deserve happiness. I thought I didn’t deserve someone who would do anything to make me happy. I don’t know why, but I thought the only happiness that mattered was yours. RELATED: Someday Someone Will Thank You For Letting Me Go If I knew then what I know now, though, I would have done it differently.
I would have loved myself more than loving your happiness. I would have felt comfortable enough with myself to not worry every time I saw you with other girls.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have realized that I should listen to my anxiety, not just brush it off. If I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I shouldn’t feel “grateful” for what you do for me because you should have done those things naturally. Most of all, if I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I matter, too. Our relationship put me in a constant battle of comfortability. I constantly fought with my conflicting desires to feel comfortable and my need for happiness. Thankfully, though, that battle is now over. RELATED: Why He Won’t Let You Go, Even If He Doesn’t Want You Now that we broke up, I want someone who will take my happiness into consideration. I want someone who will make me feel comfortable with myself. I want someone who will love me endlessly and take care of me when I need it most.
But, most importantly, I want someone who will do things for me because they love me, not because they see my happiness as a chore.
Even though it took me a while to realize what I needed, I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what I need and deserve in a relationship. Thank you for setting me free into a world that I never knew existed — a world where I know how to love myself and know my worth. Thank you for showing me what I want in a relationship. Sincerely, The Girl You Let Go RELATED: To The Man Fighting To Destroy My Walls: Thank You Amanda Pozynakov is a writer and contributor to Unwritten whose work focuses on love, relationships, and self-care topics. Visit her author profile for more. This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.
